I Never Finished High School
It may come as a surprise to know that I didn’t get a normal high school diploma. The bigger surprise might be that it’s because I was what others describes as a troubled teenager.
I grew up in Portage, Wisconsin—a town of 10,000 located near Wisconsin Dells. There’s not much in Portage besides a couple factories, a Walmart, and a maximum-security prison. Most people living in that area are either middle-class or low-income households. We were a middle-class family. My dad pastored Grace Bible Church for over 39 years and my mom retired at the age of 72 from the payroll department at the Portage Hospital. We grew up in a 1200 sq/ft ranch home as a family of five. When I was a child, I felt we had it all.
As time passed, I struggled to love myself. I was raised part-time by my grandparents because my siblings were so much older than I was, and they were off doing middle-school sports by the time I was in Kindergarten. In addition, I developed a food addition at a very young age. Of course, I didn’t know that until I was an adult, but I became an overweight, borderline obese, child.
Thankfully, I was a very active child. I participated in everything—sports, theater, church, art, and many more activities. It was as early as fourth grade that I struggled with being made fun of. I suppose we’d now say that I was bullied. But I didn’t feel like a victim. Instead of shrinking, I fought back. So much so, that I started to get in trouble often. I remember a boy made fun of me on the playground and I waited for him to walk through the doors after recess—so I could kick his butt! Lol. Most might encourage a girl to stand up for herself like this, but I got in bigtime trouble. And that was the beginning.
Even though I maintained a four-sport activity level, I started hanging out with questionable influences as soon as middle school. By my freshman year of high school, I had started smoking cigarettes. By my sophomore year, I smoked marijuana, and had earned my first of five underage drinking tickets.
Things only progressed. I believe having been apart of the drug scene myself, that smoking weed is absolutely a gateway to bigger highs and trying other drugs. I tried almost all of them. And as a result of my lifestyle, I lost all school related opportunities. I could no longer participate in musicals, sports, or any other positive extra curriculum activities.
I’ll never forget trying out for Cheerleading one year because secretly I wanted to be a Cheerleader so bad, and I really wanted to turn my life around. I worked very hard with one of my friends who was a cheerleader. I learned to be a base which meant I could lift others up. I learned how to do jumps and even the splits! I had the passion, the drive, and felt my audition went awesome. Later, the coach let me know that I did great—but she felt I wasn’t a good representative of our community, so I didn’t make the squad. I was crushed. I really wanted to turn a leaf, start anew, and be a part of something healthy and positive.
Feeling more rejection, I just continued to step into a lower level of life choices. I didn’t think I was great, others didn’t think I was a good person, so f--- it. I’ll just get high and try to forget about it all.
Moving to Madison
As soon as I could, I moved to the big city of Madison—where nobody knew me or my family. It was a fresh start. But I realized quickly that you cannot run away from your problems. And in Madison, where nobody knew me, I could do more partying without the same repercussions. So, I sunk deeper and deeper into the pit. My body grew larger and larger. I completely lost myself and everyday my only goal was getting high.
In the eyes of the majority, I was a loser. I couldn’t hold a job; I qualified for food stamps and bought my groceries with the EBT card. I joked that I was taking advantage of the system—but truly I was very ashamed. The one job I was able to hold down was at the Fashion Bug where I earned six dollars per hour selling clothing to women and upselling credit cards at their checkout. I enjoyed helping women feel great in their clothes and I loved achieving sales goals.
While working in retail, my party lifestyle continued. But something happened. Something I can only say is divine. One day I woke up and I could not get something off my mind. A couple days prior I witnessed someone shooting-up crystal meth—I felt my eyes open. It was supernatural. It truly was as if scales had fallen off my eyes and I could see myself and life clearly. I knew today was the last day I’d be in this state of life. God had saved me from death and complete destruction. I knew that this was not the life I was meant to live. That day I quit doing everything cold turkey. Though this was considered hitting rock-bottom, this wasn’t the rock-bottom I had experienced before. There were plenty of nights through those years where I should’ve been scared to ever do drugs again. But it wasn’t God’s timing for my life.
I immediately found a sublease so I could move out of the East Washington house I was living in, and I moved out on my own. I cut off all ties to everyone I knew and for almost a year, I flew solo in the endeavor toward different. I wasn’t alone though. God was with me—He always had been.
Every evening I spent time in the Bible and everyday I went to work at a women’s specialty gym. In the meantime, my family encouraged me to go to Madison College for Cosmetology. They felt I had an eye for fashion, makeup, and hair. My grandma Fran influenced my love for beauty when I was a young child so I agreed that this path would be a great fit for me.
Well, the Cosmetology program was full. I didn’t want to put off college any longer as I was 23 years old and had so much time to make up for. I was ready, driven, and there was no turning back. So, I joined Madison College’s Group Healthclub Technician program. What better way to get healthy than learn how to help others do the same. It was the first time in my life that I earned a 4.0 the entire year.
Eventually I joined the Cosmetology program. It went incredibly well. It wasn’t that I had a special talent for doing hair—that did not come easy or naturally for me at all, actually—it was that I had a special talent for customer care, communications, and sales. I graduated with honors from their program and was able to have my first graduation party ever.
Fast forward through all the years I’ve been in the industry and you’d guess that I was a thriving female throughout my life. It’s not the case. And the reason I share all of this with you is, I believe you can do anything. I believe you are worthy. I believe you are anointed, gifted, and called to greatness. Please believe in who you were made to be. It’s possible if you’re willing to step out in faith and begin a new journey.
Reflection
What lie are you believing about yourself that is preventing you from going after your heart’s desires?
If you knew you could achieve it, what would you start doing today?
Who can you surround yourself with that thinks, acts, and lives the way you want to?
You don’t have to have all the answers today. I didn’t start Cosmetology thinking I’d own a thriving hair salon and a software technology company—nor did I ever think I’d write, speak, podcast, or be called to marriage and motherhood. All of these blessings are a result of taking that first faithful step. And for me, trusting my Heavenly Father to pave the rest of the way for my life.
My Faith
I know this isn’t a Christian platform and we’re not a Christian business. But it wouldn’t be the truth if I didn’t share my faith in Christ Jesus. There are so many people we entrust with our hearts—even ourselves—and we feel disappointed, shamed, or guilty. But Jesus will never let us down. He will never leave us. He will always love us unconditionally and it will never be because we’re doing good. I wasn’t doing good things when I was living in addiction. But He saved me. He moved toward me and He never gave up hope that I was too far gone. He loves you unconditionally, and He will never judge you, leave you, or be ashamed of you.
Regardless if we feel the same about God, I believe we all have been wonderfully created and the possibilities for our lives are endless. May we trust in the hope of the future and every good thing that is to come.
Until next time,
Be Inspired
